Recently, in case you’re part of my “older” audience and you do not know, there has been a sort of trend called “life hacks”. They are supposed to be like little tidbits of information and tips to make your life better and easier! However, in a delightfully entertaining turn, they have taken on a more humorous air as people (like myself) start to make fun of it. They are things like, “Life Hack: wear a seatbelt” or “Life Hack: sled everywhere in the winter”. So I have come up with a quick list of my own little tips. Enjoy.
Life Hack: Buy a T-shirt and some lemons. Write “Life” on the shirt. Give lemons to everyone.
Life Hack: Empty some vanilla pudding cups. Fill them with mayonnaise. Hand out snacks to your enemies.
Life Hack: Replace the contents of a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. Walk around spraying it into your mouth. Tell people you’re on a cleanse.
Life Hack: Switch the salt and sugar in your house. Watch the chaos ensue.
Life Hack: Walk up to a random stranger. Say hi like you haven’t seen each other in a while. Insist you know them. Proceed to give examples of fake situations where you have interacted. Get them to admit they know you. Show no mercy.
Life Hack: Go to a store. Try to pay for things in compliments.
Life Hack: Attend a sporting event. Fervently yell sports terms of every sport except the one you are watching. Count eye rolls.
Life Hack: Choose a victim at school, work, etc. Insist to everyone that it is said victim’s birthday. When they deny it, simply say it’s because they’re embarrassed. Make everyone break out in a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday”.
Life Hack: Host a party and tell guests that you have hidden party favors around the venue. Describe amazing gifts that are supposedly in said favors. Get everyone to frantically search. Chuckle maniacally.
Life Hack: Dress up like a football player. Run around taking things from people’s hands and yelling “FUMBLE!”. Bonus points to have someone follow you around with commentary (i.e. “He’s at the ten, he’s at the twenty, he’s making his way to the end zone…!”).
Life Hack: Don’t buy a coat. Let your fiery hatred for humanity keep you warm in the winter months.
Submitted with undying love for,
life hacks, making fun of “trends”, and my good friend Jordan Dillard who thought of that last one,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken