Category Archives: pop culture

Freshman Year Recap

Well, it’s that time of the year again. No, not the time when I apologize for writing so infrequently. I’m talking about the time of the year that students dread. The one that features an excessive lack of sleep, an unhealthy amount of coffee, and probably some embarrassingly delirious late night Snapchats. That’s right. I’m talking about finals.

This finals period in particular is pretty significant for me because I have now almost finished (read, “survived”) my freshman year of college! It has been one wild ride, my friends, and in case you want to take a break from your own finals studying, or if you’re just bored, you can go ahead and read this recap of freshman year that I have drafted for just such an occasion. Here you can find all of the new fads and personal highlights of this year, from finstas to dorm life at Tulane. Enjoy, and happy finals week!

  1. The Boot
    If there is one place every Tulane student is familiar with, it is the Boot, a seedy college bar/club (don’t worry, it’s 18 and up) that somehow made it onto BusinessInsider.com’s 2015 list of the Top 40 College Bars and was ranked #1 by USA Today in 2013. All this despite the fact that the men’s bathroom features urinals and no toilets. I suppose the true draws are its 6am closing time, its nightly drink specials, and the pizza and crepe establishments flanking it on either side. Either way, I am no different in that I have become intimately familiar with The Boot and its frightening toilet paper deficiency.
  2. Mardi Gras
    It happened. It was a lot. If you want more info on this New Orleans staple, see my last post.
  3. Finstas
    I assume we all know Instagram. In case you’re an older reader or perhaps a recluse, it is a social media site where people exclusively post pictures. This year, someone out there decided to make a fake Instagram account (a finstagram, if you will, or simply and affectionately, a finsta) and it spread like a rash. Like an itchy, annoying rash you cannot get rid of. A finsta, for those are not plagued by them, is like a pseudo account, almost like an online alter ego. People keep them private so that only those they approve can see it, and it is designed to be a place that you can post all of your embarrassing, ironic, and/or under the influence photos in a funny way. At least that’s the goal. I, however, am of the opinion that if you want to say something, say it, and if you need to make a secret account to say it, then probably don’t say it at all.
  4. Dorm Life
    I live in the picturesque Monroe Hall, a place where the garbage truck comes loudly at 8am, the elevator often breaks or is home to condom wrappers and beer cans, and sewage problems and shower hair abound. Add to this the fact that New Orleans has pipe issues in general and the water shuts off fairly frequently, and you’ve got me counting down the amount of showers I have left here.
  5. Rush
    Yes, I’ve #GoneGreek. Tulane rushes sororities in the spring though, so I came back from Winter Break and spent two weekends standing in lines outside houses and chatting with complete strangers. It was all worth it though, as I am now a member of Alpha Delta Pi sorority, the first and the finest. Yes, we were founded in 1851, making us the first sorority on this planet, so use that as your next factoid.
  6. Trivia
    This year trivia nights became my friends’ and I’s THING. We’ve been to several at Dat Dog, a gourmet hot dog restaurant near my school that is home to perhaps the best business plan ever, as well as a few other scattered ones at other places. The real highlight, however, was on Spring Break when two of my friends and I went to Vail and won trivia night. Even though we probably did it by a sheer lack of teams (around 7) and by betting zero points on the final question, we still got a $50 gift card, so I’m going to go ahead and call myself a trivia champion anyway.
  7. Crawfest
    One of Tulane’s crowning glories is Crawfest, a day long music festival with bands, food trucks, and LOTS of crawfish. For the low, low price of being a student (of which the price is not low at all), you can get a wristband to a day full of music and all you can eat crawfish, which if you haven’t tried them, are pretty yummy and thoroughly horrifying. I have probably sworn off of crawfish, as I cannot eat meat if it looks like the animal it is, and it took me around 15 minutes just to be able to pick up one. Crawfest is still a good time though. They also give out vegetables.

    Save a crawfish, eat some corn
    Save a crawfish, eat some corn

    And there you have it. Everything you needed to know, but mostly what you did not at all need to know, about my freshman year of college. Hopefully as summer rolls around I can have time to write more often, but I am hoping to get a job so we’ll see! (If any business owners in the Denver area are reading, I would be a fantastic hire.)

Submitted with undying love for,
Tulane, freshman year, a nicer dorm for sophomore year, corn, ADPi, and NOLA,I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken

A Glimpse at the Mardi Pardi

Greetings friends and Internet users. Happy almost Spring (she said hopefully) (although I know I’m no one to talk, since I live in beautiful New Orleans)!

I’m here today to talk about everyone’s favorite holiday! What, Valentine’s Day? No, not THAT piece of Hallmark trash. I am talking about everyone’s favorite rowdy, outlandish, no-holds-barred schmooze fest that I experienced for the first time this year. That’s right–Mardi Gras.

For Christians, Mardi Gras is Fat Tuesday, the last “hurrah” before Ash Wednesday and Lent when they are expected to give up something they love until Easter. For most New Orleanians (and for myself, staunchly secular in her beliefs), it is approximately six days, give or take, of parades and mild debauchery. Now mind you, the debauchery part mostly stays in the French Quarter, that wildly mystical land of balconies and booze. I, however, along with my friends and most of the other college kids stick to Uptown, the area along historic St. Charles Avenue near Tulane where the parades still go, where the walk to and from isn’t too grueling, and where, oddly enough, we intermix with families and old people alike.

Mardi Gras is a pretty crazy time–people literally fight over strings of plastic (ok, not FIGHT fight. You’re more likely to get a black eye from being hit by a package of beads thrown from a passing float). And this post is not designed to be a guide to surviving the melee; those posts are far over done, and is there really such a concise list that can provide advice for what’s to come Mardi Gras weekend? No, this post is merely a glance at some notable moments in my Carnival experience this year–I am now still sick enough post-Mardi to have time to comb through my pictures. So please enjoy this scrapbook of sorts, and if you ever come to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, remember to never pee in public.

  1. The Chicken
    Krewe of Muses
    Krewe of Muses

    At a Mardi Gras parade, much more than beads are flying. There may be cups, trinkets, capes, stickers, bags–you can catch any number of things really. Here I would like to direct your attention to the jacket zipper on my friend at the right there. Yes. That is, in fact, a plastic chicken. No, not a rubber chicken, although it looks like one. It is actually, and stay with me here, a plastic model of a rubber chicken. That’s right. And my friend Henry here didn’t catch it so much as it landed in a patch of grass enclosed by a fence behind him and he dove to retrieve it. So that is a hard earned plastic model of a rubber chicken.

  2. The Plunger
    Endymion Parade
    Endymion Parade

    Speaking of crazy parade finds, yes, that is a plunger. And despite my friend’s unicorn ears or my other friend’s wig that resembles a pom pom, or even my bright yellow tutu, I think it really makes the picture.

  3. The Selfie (of the Selfie)
    IMG_2692
    The Tulane shuttle

    Now I do not use the term “meta” lightly. But if you can make out my features in the washed out bottom left corner, you can see that I look–shall we say bemused?–at my capturing of my friend Allison taking a gung ho selfie (in the middle of my selfie). It doesn’t get more Millennial than this, folks.

  4. The Y
    Loyola University New Orleans
    Loyola University New Orleans
    IMG_2674 (1)
    An undisclosed location

    Here we have before and after pictures of an apparent “tradition” that seems to take place every year. You see, this is Loyola University, a school right next to Tulane (they practically share a campus). On our way back from the parades one night, we thought we would take a picture on the Loyola sign. Running over to the letters, we noticed some other kids flocking over as well, thinking they were following suit. As we stood on the letters, one mildly drunk boy started pulling on an O next to me. “Excuse me!” I shouted to him and his friend, who was close behind. “Sorry, you can try and steal the letters all you want, but could you take a picture of us first?” It took some prodding, but we managed to get a picture on the letters–right before most of them were stolen away in the night. Apparently Loyola reinforced them with more concrete this year, as I guess this is not the first time “LOYOLA” has become “L   LA” come Friday morning of Mardi Gras weekend. They also must literally have a stash of concrete letters and a concrete guy on hand because by the next afternoon, they were Loyola once more. And I won’t tell you how Henry came to be in possession of this Y.

    Okay fine…he caught it in a parade…

  5. The Puppy
    St. Charles Parade Route
    St. Charles Parade Route

    Mardi Gras can be a rough time. There are a lot of people, there is a lot of noise, there is a drastic shortage of bathrooms, and you are never immediately near some amenity you may need. This is my friend Siena right after she fell, hitting her elbow pretty hard, scraping her knee, and ripping her leggings in the process. We got her up and were not but a few steps along when we ran into two nice young men holding the cutest puppy I’ve seen in my young life. Now by this time, Siena is having trouble keeping it together–she is in a lot of pain and we are all pretty astoundingly sleep deprived. So she asks to hold this puppy and just about loses it. You can’t really tell, but she is literally sobbing into this puppy. But I mean look how adorable it is.

    So there you have it. Mardi Gras 2016. I may be suffering right now from the worst sore throat I have ever experienced, but I must say it was worth it. Probably. (Seriously I am in so much pain.) Until next year, Carnival.

Submitted with undying love for,
Mardi Gras, that puppy, Loyola University, NOLA, and getting two days off of school to watch parades,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken

My Guide to the Best Halloween Costumes this Season

Well, it’s that time of year again–Halloween. The night where it is suddenly acceptable to call lingerie a costume and/or to eat literal pillowcases full of candy solo. It’s already October 27th, but just in case you haven’t fully figured out your costume yet, here are some ideas that are sure to wow ’em (whether that’s your party peers or children trick or treating at your doorstep). Wanna be classic? I’ve got that. Wanna stay on trend in an ever-changing fashion world? I’ve got that too! Look no further for your Halloween needs than this comprehensive list of the season’s best hidden costume gems.

Madilyn’s Guide to the Best Halloween Costumes This Season

  1. A Roll of Toilet Paper
    You’ve seen the mummy costume. Now get ready for it’s utilitarian cousin–the toilet paper roll! It’s essentially the same costume, admittedly. Simply dress in brown (you are the cardboard here) and wrap yourself in your favorite toilet paper! (I prefer two-ply.) Not only is this costume nice and comfy, but think how creative you’ll seem when people ask, “Oh, are you a mummy?” and you blow their minds with your response. Bonus: If you’re tending to the trick or treaters this year and you’re looking for a healthy alternative to candy, keep the motif going and hand out mini packs of tissues! You’ll be the talk of the neighborhood and parents will love you–happy flu season!
  2. A Pretzel
    If you’re going for a sexy costume look this year, have I got a suggestion for you. Stay with me now–this look can be hard to pull off, but it will totally be worth it when the fellas think of the contorting and yoga themes associated with a pretzel. That’s right, you’ll be dressed as an edible pretzel, but metaphorically you’ll be referencing the pretzel pose! MAJOR CREATIVITY POINTS! So here’s what you’ll need: all brown clothing and white cotton balls (or if you prefer, and are committed, real salt). Simply dress, affix cotton balls to your person, and start contorting! Could there be anything sexier?!
  3. A Potato
    I know what you’re thinking–another food? Or what you may (and should) also be thinking–another sexy costume?? The answer is yes, as I understand that contorting may not be within everyone’s physical realms of possibility. For this costume (my personal favorite of the list, by the way), you’ll still need brown clothes, but this time focus on making them baggier. Next, wrap yourself from the waist down in tin foil (bonus: you’ll shine so bright, no one will be able to miss you!). Finally, decorate yourself with whatever toppings you please–that’s right, you’re a “Make Your Own Potato” (innuendo intended)! Extra points if you let people slather butter on you.
  4. Rihanna
    If you’re going for a more relevant/on trend costume, look no further than Rihanna, Queen of Fashion’s Most Daring. Here, we’re looking to evoke her now iconic Grammys look with a similar one. (see below)

    Rihanna in Giambattista Valli Couture at the Grammys 2015
    Rihanna in Giambattista Valli Couture at the Grammys 2015
    A cupcake
    A cupcake

    Let’s face it: none of us have anything Valli-esque in our wardrobes (although, I suppose I don’t know who this blog reaches, maybe you do; if so, I won’t ask how you got it). So why not model the costume after something closer at hand?  Simply dress in neutral colors from the waist down and wear a pink tutu around your neck. Violá! Bonus: Make it a party game by letting your friends toss sprinkles on you!

  5. A Katy Perry Shark
    If Halloween is going to be a bit chillier where you are, stay bundled up and cozy in a look that’s as funny as it is fierce! This year at the Superbowl, Katy Perry wowed us all, not just with her musical talent and snazzy outfits, but also with her backup dancers–two sharks who, let’s face it, stole the show.

    Katy Perry performing at the Superbowl 2015 in Moschino
    Katy Perry performing at the Superbowl 2015 in Moschino

    Go watch the video if you’re unfamiliar with it, but if you want to stay warm and still amaze on October 31st, you can order one of these bad boys on Amazon (who put it perfectly in calling these shark suits FINtastic).

  6. Donald Trump
    And finally, if you REALLY want to make a statement this season, why not go as the man who has made the most this year? Stuck on just how to nail the look? Here it is in a few simple steps. First, put on a suit. It doesn’t have to be particularly nice, as people may throw food at you if you get this look right. Next, get a wig reminiscent of a blonde baseball mitt. No need to invest in wig glue or anything like that–just slap it on. The next step is optional: either visit a tanning salon and ask for “Oompa Loompa”, or simply paint your face a nice shade of orange. Finally, furrow your brow and yell at people. Don’t worry about what to say either! What you say doesn’t need to make sense for you to get this costume right!

I hope you have found this list helpful as Halloween steadily approaches. Whether you’re trying to garner creativity points, stay warm, be a popular parent in your neighborhood, or attract some attention without being too uncovered, I truly tried to fulfill everyone’s needs. Remember to stay safe this Saturday, and Happy Halloween!

Submitted with undying love for,
Halloween, Halloween in New Orleans, 2 nights of Halloween, and the fact that one of my costumes includes a tutu obviously,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken

WCW: Female Celebrities to Be Jealous Of

Hello there, computer/phone/tablet users! I’m sorry I’ve been a bit off the grid, as I’ve been incredibly busy with graduation parties (and their menus) as well as college orientation. I’m hoping to get back into writing more regularly, but I make no promises, so don’t complain this time next month when I am apologizing again.

For today’s post I decided that, in honor of #WomanCrushWednesday (are people still doing that?), I would compile a list of some the top women I find to be awesome (just some, as there are too many to pick from, so don’t go getting all huffy if your favorite Hollywood woman is not here). PLEASE NOTE: This is by no means a list of the women who are doing the most to better our society or who are striving the most for social equality or who are doing the most to break down gender barriers or anything like that. They definitely contribute to that and offer (I think) a positive image for women, but for our purposes, they are only on the list because I think they are basically perfect and I want to talk about them and I also would not at all mind switching bodies with them for a day or something.

Okay! So now you understand the list! Here goes:

The Top 5 Female Celebrities Who Are Sweeping the Nation With Their Perfection (Plus Eight More!):
1.) Blake Lively
Okay, Blake Lively is my absolute #1 famous woman who I would want to be if I could be anyone. Not that I don’t love being myself nor do I think we should want what we cannot have and blah blah blah, but come on. Here is Blake Lively (in jaw dropping ensembles, I might add):

In Gucci at the Met Gala 2014
In Gucci at the Met Gala 2014
In Zuhair Murad at the Time 100 Gala in 2011
In Zuhair Murad at the Time 100 Gala in 2011

Whether exuding Old Hollywood glamour or Disney’s The Little Mermaid, she is stunning. But that’s not all. Here is Blake Lively at six months pregnant, rocking a plunging neckline:

In Gucci at Gabrielle's Angel Ball 2014
In Gucci at Gabrielle’s Angel Ball 2014

And here she is at nine–yes, nine–months pregnant in a backless, NON-MATERNITY dress:

In Kaufman Franco at the L'Oreal Paris Women of Worth Awards 2014
In Kaufman Franco at the L’Oreal Paris Women of Worth Awards 2014

Is there a flaw on her? And besides being physically perfect, Lively is a great actress (if you enjoyed looking at her in various amazing outfits, you need to see her in Age of Adaline, which came out in April) and now, lifestyle guru. On her new site Preserve, she dabbles in everything from fashion and food to decor and design, while also probably giving me a run for my money with her blogging efforts. So all in all, she’s multi-talented, family-oriented, and beyond gorgeous. Perfect is not really a word I use a lot, but it may be appropriate. If you’ve never watched Gossip Girl, you wouldn’t understand.

2.) Rose Byrne
In case you are living under a rock and don’t know who she is, meet Rose Byrne. She is beautiful, talented, and funny. Here she is at the Emmy Awards two years ago:

In Calvin Klein Collection at the Emmys 2013
In Calvin Klein Collection at the Emmys 2013

And here she is in her new movie Spy:

SPY-04418.CR2
In Spy, 2015

Are you kidding? That hair, that dress, that cold and powerful stare! Did I mention she’s Australian? For more jaw-dropping photos, check out her shoot for Violet Grey. After really exploding onto the scene in 2011’s Bridesmaids (and flashing those enviable abs at the Emmys above), she has done everything from hilarious and cool in Neighbors to friendly and adorable in This is Where I Leave You to now totally ruthless and oddly likable in Spy. If you have not seen her in anything yet, buy a movie ticket or start up your Netflix.

3.) Sophia Bush
Sophia Bush is the epitome of hot, although those who don’t watch One Tree Hill or haven’t seen her in anything else (like her current venture, Chicago P.D.) would not necessarily know it.

In Gucci at PaleyFest 2012
In Gucci at PaleyFest 2012

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She has perfected the sultry stare and that subtly husky voice is the clincher. (Not to mention she was once married to Chad Michael Murray.) But looks aside, Bush is a really talented actress. On One Tree Hill alone, I’ve seen her be everything: mean, creative, intelligent, thoughtful, devastated, furious, heartbroken, heart warming, powerful, powerless, drunk. And now she’s a badass detective on a cop show. Take notes.

4.) Beyoncé
Not to include the queen herself would have been criminal. Although I’m not a huge fan of most of her music (so sorry, please keep reading my blog), she is unbelievably talented as well as stunningly beautiful.

In Nicolas Jebran at the 2014 VMAs
In Nicolas Jebran at the 2014 VMAs

Besides a picture perfect marriage complete with adorable kid and a ridiculously impressive singing voice, Bey was People magazine’s “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” in 2012, and she is practically a crusader for being curvy, makeup-less, and otherwise natural in any way. Just check her Instagram.
beyonce-22

5.) Anna Kendrick
She can act, she can sing, she’s immensely beautiful, AND she’s just as hilarious in real life as she is on her Twitter account?! A quadruple threat. She stuns at red carpet events…

In Ellie Saab at the 2013 Oscars
In Ellie Saab at the 2013 Oscars

…slays in simple T-shirts…
Anna-Kendrick-anna-kendrick-10124223-683-984
…and staggers down the steps perfectly as Cinderella in the remake of Into the Woods

In a costume designed by Colleen Atwood
In a costume designed by Colleen Atwood

As if all that were not enough, Kendrick is a major supporter of the Love is Louder movement, a campaign against bullying, discrimination, and hate that is based on the idea that love is louder than the internal/external voices trying to bring us down. Kendrick’s Twitter bio reads: “Pale, awkward, and very, very small. Form an orderly queue, gents. Location: Probably by the food.” Where’s the said queue? Let me get in line.

6.) Julianne Moore
This woman is 54. Hopefully, she’ll teach a class called “Aging Gracefully with 2015’s Best Actress Oscar Winner”. It will probably include a bottle of red hair dye for those errant gray hairs–unless she doesn’t have any…?

In Alexander McQueen at the premiere of What Maisie Knew at the Toronto International Film Festival 2012
In Alexander McQueen at the premiere of What Maisie Knew at the Toronto International Film Festival 2012

7.) Jennifer Aniston
She’s taking the world by storm with perfect hair, mesmerizing eyes, and an Oscar nomination or two. All in a day’s work.

In Kaufman Franco at Elle's 18th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute
In Kaufman Franco at Elle’s 18th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute

8.) Elizabeth Banks
Between hysterical banter with John Higgins in Pitch Perfect, Banks is actress, director, and mom of two sons. Those cheekbones are still in place, though!

In Emilio Pucci at the LA premiere of Man on a Ledge in 2012
In Emilio Pucci at the LA premiere of Man on a Ledge in 2012

9.) Emma Watson
Our favorite Harry Potter actress grew WAY up and blossomed into a cool, beautiful, articulate womens’ rights activist (with the HeForShe campaign) rocking a dress over pants. I mean, have you given a speech to the UN lately?

In Dior Couture at the 2014 Golden Globes
In Dior Couture at the 2014 Golden Globes

10.) Emma Stone
As if that gorgeous hair weren’t enough, she’s exploded onto the scene with about a hundred Oscar nominated movies by now. Oh, and she’s dating Spiderman.

In Thakoon at the Met Gala 2014
In Thakoon at the Met Gala 2014

11.) Mila Kunis
The incredibly hot girl that you can also bring to sports games. And is it just being Ukrainian that gets her that gorgeous skin?

In Ellie Saab at the 2011 Oscars
In Ellie Saab at the 2011 Oscars

12.) Gabrielle Union
Where can I buy the underground Black Market face cream she must be using to get that pore-free skin?

In Issa at the 2012 premiere of Good Deeds
In Issa at the 2012 premiere of Good Deeds

13.) Jennifer Lawrence
Is it possible to be so badass and so hilarious at the same time? Either way, Lawrence seems to be doing it, one Hunger Games arena at a time.

In a Dior ad
In a Dior ad

Well, there you have it. Envy may be one of the seven deadly sins, but it’s still appropriate when it comes to these thirteen amazing women. Remember, be comfortable in your own skin. I just sometimes wish that skin was flawless and Ukrainian.

Submitted with undying love for,
these women, their style, their aesthetic, their hard working attitudes, and that face cream I am going to get from the Black Market,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken

Sexism Where You May Not Have Noticed It Before…

I’m sure it is quite obvious to everyone that there are sexist messages in social media–TV, movies, ads, music, etc. In regards to music, I’m sure we could all point out hip-hop/rap songs with sexist lyrics or messages. But this is too obvious (though still an issue). No, forget the gangsta rap. Songs like Big Sean’s “Dance (A$$)” or Jason Derulo’s “Wiggle” are easily identifiable as objectifying women. One less criticized place I have been hearing it is in–get this–country music.

First of all, yes, I listen to country. I listen to a lot of things. Country is not my favorite of the music I listen to, but I generally like some of everything. Go read my very first blog post, because I mentioned this, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to you if you are a loyal reader, which obviously you all are!

So yes, country music. I had not noticed until Maddie and Tae’s “Girl in a Country Song” (http://genius.com/Maddie-and-tae-girl-in-a-country-song-lyrics) came out, but this genre of music has been fraught with sexist themes as of late. Maddie Marlow and Tae Dye are a nineteen-year old duo who are actually the first females in two years to have a number one single on the country radio charts.

Ironic, isn’t it?

Upon further review, I noticed that there are TONS of country songs by male artists depicting some hot girl there to entertain them, not to be a real live functioning human being. Of course I know not all men share sexist views, but it is common enough that Maddie and Tae, and now myself, decided to write about it. Not only is their song catchy, but it calls male artists out, often directly, on the misogynistic clichés that appear in their music. Several of Maddie and Tae’s lyrics are references to–and digs at–other songs. Which is totally badass.

For example, “painted on cut-off jeans” refers to Chris Young’s “Aw Naw” in which he is about to leave a bar when he sees a hot girl taking shots and just has to dance with her and “show off those jeans you painted on”. He describes how he should really leave and was not planning on leaving with anyone, but proceeds to dance with this hot mystery girl until late into the night. Furthermore, he claims it is not his fault. Basically this girl is so hot that he had to stay. She made him. Isn’t this disturbingly similar to the ridiculous notion that girls wearing less clothes are just “asking” to be sexually harassed? There is much more to a woman than her jeans.

The lyric about these stereotypes driving them “red-red-red-red-red-red-redneck crazy” is a reference to Blake Shelton’s “Boys Round Here”, in which he describes country boys and how girls simply cannot get enough of them. I’m sorry, could you move? I can’t see around your HUGE EGO.

When Maddie and Tae sing that “shaking my money maker ain’t never made me a dime” and that they will literally slap someone if he tells them one more time he’s “gotta get [him] some of that”, it is in reference to Thomas Rhett’s “Get Me Some of That”. First of all, some of what? WE ARE PEOPLE, NOT OBJECTS. You do not just get to decide you want “some”. Rhett also describes a girl “shaking her money maker like a heart breaker”. Maddie and Tae valiantly point out how absurd this is. They’ve never made a dime off of theirs’!

The declaration that “there ain’t no sugar for you in this shaker of mine” and that they will “slide on over” unless the idiot doesn’t want to be slapped refers to Florida Georgia Line’s “Get Your Shine On”. This male duo is describing a hot girl (have you found the pattern yet?) and they insist that she “slide that little sugar shaker over here”, which, beyond being ridiculous, is rather disgusting. I don’t think I have to further describe how sexist the idea is that these men seem to think they can use women for their looks whenever they want. A woman being an independent and self-controlled human being seems fairly self-explanatory.

Finally, the ending’s “I ain’t your tan-legged Juliet” is a not-so-subtle dig at Jason Aldean’s “My Kinda Party” in which he exclaims that the girl he is talking to can be his “tan-legged Juliet”. Charming. Lucky her. Just what she has probably always wanted.

I’m sure there are lots more references in the song, and all of the above ones (and plenty of other lyrics) can apply to several songs, but these are the most obvious ones. Whether or not you care about country music, I urge you to check out the link I included above to the lyrics of Maddie and Tae’s song, because it is truly clever and, again, totally badass. Hopefully, men can drop their dated clichés, their egotistical ideas, and their sexist views so that we can live in a world where it is obvious that a woman makes her own choices and that no means no, mister! A world where a girl topping the country radio charts is actually not so uncommon.

Submitted with undying love for,
feminism, feminism being the belief that men and women should be equal, feminism NOT being a radical and unattractive idea, “Girl in a Country Song” by Maddie and Tae, and calling people out on their bullshit,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken

Life Hacks

Recently, in case you’re part of my “older” audience and you do not know, there has been a sort of trend called “life hacks”. They are supposed to be like little tidbits of information and tips to make your life better and easier! However, in a delightfully entertaining turn, they have taken on a more humorous air as people (like myself) start to make fun of it. They are things like, “Life Hack: wear a seatbelt” or “Life Hack: sled everywhere in the winter”. So I have come up with a quick list of my own little tips. Enjoy.

Life Hack: Buy a T-shirt and some lemons. Write “Life” on the shirt. Give lemons to everyone.

Life Hack: Empty some vanilla pudding cups. Fill them with mayonnaise. Hand out snacks to your enemies.

Life Hack: Replace the contents of a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. Walk around spraying it into your mouth. Tell people you’re on a cleanse.

Life Hack: Switch the salt and sugar in your house. Watch the chaos ensue.

Life Hack: Walk up to a random stranger. Say hi like you haven’t seen each other in a while. Insist you know them. Proceed to give examples of fake situations where you have interacted. Get them to admit they know you. Show no mercy.

Life Hack: Go to a store. Try to pay for things in compliments.

Life Hack: Attend a sporting event. Fervently yell sports terms of every sport except the one you are watching. Count eye rolls.

Life Hack: Choose a victim at school, work, etc. Insist to everyone that it is said victim’s birthday. When they deny it, simply say it’s because they’re embarrassed. Make everyone break out in a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday”.

Life Hack: Host a party and tell guests that you have hidden party favors around the venue. Describe amazing gifts that are supposedly in said favors. Get everyone to frantically search. Chuckle maniacally.

Life Hack: Dress up like a football player. Run around taking things from people’s hands and yelling “FUMBLE!”. Bonus points to have someone follow you around with commentary (i.e. “He’s at the ten, he’s at the twenty, he’s making his way to the end zone…!”).

Life Hack: Don’t buy a coat. Let your fiery hatred for humanity keep you warm in the winter months.

Submitted with undying love for,
life hacks, making fun of “trends”, and my good friend Jordan Dillard who thought of that last one,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken

Where Are They Now?

Today I was reading People magazine, like I do every week for God knows what reason, and I saw something about Selena Gomez just finishing a stint in rehab. Now, I don’t know about you, but I consider myself to be pretty in tune with what’s happening in the famous-person-stratosphere (because of my incessant People reading), and I was unaware she went to rehab at all!
I know what you’re thinking. Who gives a shit? Just calm down, I’m getting to the point.
It is often a point of discussion: all of those child stars end up corrupted and in rehab. And then we reminisce on the rare child star who made it boldly through the Hollywood party scene unscathed and went on to have “happy families” and “bright futures”, unhindered by their “immense talent”. So let’s talk about those stars for a minute, and take a moment to find out Where They Are Now.

1. Hilary Duff
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Her start: This bubbly personality starred on Disney Channel’s Lizzie McGuire from 2001-2004 and also starred in the movie. Lizzie McGuire aired when she was 13, but her first role came when she was 10. She was also in a few other movies such as A Cinderella Story in 2004 (it’s kind of the only Cinderella remake worth your time) and she even guest starred on a few shows, including Gossip Girl.
Where are they now?: Despite her own show on Disney Channel, Hilary Duff was never in rehab and married and had a son! Sadly, her and her ex-husband, hockey player Mike Comrie, divorced (amicably!) in January. But they still co-parent and raise (almost) 2-year-old Luca!

2. Raven Symoné
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Her start: Raven starred as the sassy psychic Raven Baxter on That’s So Raven, also a Disney show! It ran from 2003-2007, but her first role was on the Cosby Show at 3 years old. Aside from her success on That’s So Raven, let’s not forget her other starring role as a Cheetah Girl in the first and second movies! She also released several albums and had roles in a few other movies and shows, as well as voicing Monique in Kim Possible.
Where are they now?: Today Raven lives mostly out of the spotlight and often steps out with her model girlfriend (Yes! You read that correctly!) AzMarie Livingston. She was in Sister Act on Broadway in 2012 and has not been to rehab nor has she been caught in any sort of cheating scandal! Props.

3. Cole Sprouse
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His start: You know him as 1 out of 2 of the mischievous twins from the Tipton Hotel in The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, which he starred in at age 13 from 2005-2008. Him and his twin brother (who doesn’t appear on this list due to his nudes that are floating around) then starred in yet another Disney Channel show, The Suite Life on Deck, until 2011. However, Cole’s first role came at age one in Grace Under Fire. He had a few other guest roles on various shows, but most of his roles were as Cody Martin.
Where are they now?: Today, Cole Sprouse is something of a hippie/philanthropist and he is interested in archaeology, anthropology, journalism, photography, and performance (or so his Twitter bio claims). Turns out him and twin brother Dylan Sprouse wanted to get involved with the production side of things on their show before heading off to college. When Disney shot that down, they left, and now both attend NYU. Cole recently took trips to Japan and Bulgaria, and enjoys college life with his longer-than-shoulder-length hair.

4. Miranda Cosgrove
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Her start: The first of the list not to have her own Disney show! Ah but wait, she had her own Nickelodeon show. Miranda starred as a perky teen in iCarly from 2007-2012 after playing the evil little sister Megan on Drake and Josh from 2004-2007. Her first role, however, came at age 8 on the TV show Smallville. She has also appeared in several shows and movies like School of Rock and Despicable Me (1 and 2) as well as releasing one album and two EPs.
Where are they now?: After wrapping iCarly, she voiced a role in Despicable Me and is currently filming two different movies while she attends USC! She also works with Oceana to protect dolphins from seismic airgun blasts (cue the “aww”). So no rehab stints, no scandals, no nudes, and she’s a college student working to save endangered animals?

5. Emily Osment
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Her start: Though she began at age 7 in The Secret Life of Girls, Emily Osment really found success as Miley’s quirky best friend Lilly on Hannah Montana from 2006-2011. She has also had small roles in many other shows and movies such as Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Spy Kids, and Family Guy. She has also had one album and one EP.
Where are they now?: With no big scandals to speak of, Emily Osment continues to work on movies, some of which are filming or in pre-production. After Hannah Montana, however, she went to college! So luckily her post-Disney life has been pretty low-key, different from her friend Miley’s, because we all know how that one turned out.

Submitted with undying love for,
Disney Channel: the creator of well-rounded and well-adjusted humans, the actually well-rounded and well-adjusted humans (rare, but there), Hilary Duff, Raven Symoné, Cole Sprouse, Miranda Cosgrove, and Emily Osment,
I remain Madilyn Jayne Turken